In the spirit of the holidays, I was thinking about the Grinch and came to a conclusion-- the Grinch is a hillbilly. Just a guy, living on the mountain, odd hair, strange mannerisms, a pot belly and good dog. Just wants to be left alone. And then the Whoville sprawl starts to inch in and, subdivision by subdivision, he's unwillingly pushed into civilized society with it's noise, decadence and expectations of a white-washed normalcy that doesn't include walking around pantsless on the mountainside. And with his back against the wall, he reacts poorly. So, in the Truckers tradition of writing songs from the point of view of a misunderstood victim of history, here is Decoration Day in the voice of the Grinch:
It's Decoration Day.
And I've got a mind to take a piss on his sleigh.
What would he say?
"Boy, your tinkle just won't keep my jingle away."
It's Decoration Day.
As those bastards below start to sing and to sway
It's driving me slowly insane.
But I'll take a big shit on their fine Christmas Day.
I never knew how it all got started
the size of my shoes or the way I was born
and I don't know the name of that reindeer I found
and beat till he just couldn't fly anymore.
But I know it's cold here on Mt. Crumpit's crest,
as those Whos drink and dance by their fires.
Their noise fills my cave as I try just to rest
with my dog and my still and my will to survive.
The kids all wait for Saint Nick to come by
as I sit with my shine and my gun.
I would shoot his fat ass right out of the sky
and mount Rudolph's rack when I'm done.
Instead I dress all in red just like Santa had wore
and head down to Whoville myself.
I'll clean out their homes from the roof to the floor
and I'll send all their stockings to Hell.
It's Decoration Day
And I've loaded their shit on the back of my sleigh
as the sun rises on Christmas Day.
The Who children will cry as I gallop away.
Cause I ate their Who-pudding and I smoked their Who-hash
and I stole all their presents and I burned all their trees.
When they tear open their shutters and throw up their sash
My green ass is all that they'll see.
It's Decoration Day.
I sit and look down on the damage I've made
And they celebrate in spite of my raid.
But I'll fight till the last Grinch's last Christmas Day.
I'll fight till the last Grinch's last Christmas Day.
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