(What follows is an attempt at a time based gameday diary by two people who like to drink during games in places that usually aren't laptop friendly. So, the result is more a roughly sequential collection of Jack Handy-esque random thoughts assembled from scribbles on bar napkins and the insides of beer labels. Enjoy.)
The Rebels get the Perfect Attendence Award: Thanks for showing up. You didn't actually win anything, but here's a nice piece of paper with your name on it. Thanks for the effort.
Atticus Van Zandt: The last time an SEC team walked into a stadium this crappy, State fans still thought the Croomses was a good football coach. I smell a trap.
John Lee Pettimore: ACC football is like Bourbon that comes in a plastic bottle. It’s supposed to be the same thing, yet it leaves a bad aftertaste, stabbed feeling in your stomach and is ineffective as a weapon.
JLP: Brandon Bolden is the AC/DC of our running backs. Enrique Davis is the talented Indie band, who can’t get the right break to show off
JLP: Ole Miss football itself is like Chinese Democracy. We keep waiting for it. Sometimes it’s closer than others, but it might get there one day. And monkeys might fly out of my ass.
AVZ: (Doing his best Jimmy Duggan drunken rage impression, Nutt grabs Sneed)- You’re still a little long on the fly route to Wallace…now, now, now that’s something we’re going to need you to work on before next game….(continues shaking violently while smiling maniacally)
JLP: Shay Hodge is like Gregory Dean Smalley. He can’t stop now, he’s got one more ridiculous catch to make.
JLP: Jevan Snead is Beck. You can try to pigeon-hold him and pin him down, but he’ll do something else and blow your mind pretty soon.
AVZ: Houston Nutt obviously has determined that what Mississippi recruits really look for is bust size, and that’s why Croom’s instate commitments have been going so well. He’s been eating Handy Andy thrice daily in an effort to compete.
JLP: Can’t you see Houston Nutt as the band manager in Almost Famous? Your damn flags almost killed my quarterback. Speaking of Almost Famous, who is skinnier, the one blonde Ole Miss cheerleader they kept showing or Kate Hudson?
JLP: I think Cordera will be playing Jason Cook’s role next year. I think that leaves Derrick Davis as the fifth Beatle.
AVZ: So, Rich Gannon’s retarded little brother thinks that “Eliminating chunks” is a key to the game. The ACC football/whiskey from a plastic bottle analogy continues…
AVZ: The sack of weasels…more fun than you might think.
JLP: From Ronnie Van Zandt to Uncle Ken, all men with great mullets need to band their will together and incinerate Jimmy Clausen now. If there is a bigger tool on any drilling rig in Texas please let me know. He’s about as cool as MC Hammer’s mustache.
AVZ: How many people do you think have gone to http://www.hdwraparounds.com/ looking for something completely different and yet, are not totally disappointed (I know the commercials are probably different everywhere, but if you haven’t seen this one, you’re missing out).
JLP: Chris Paul would go for it on fourth down every time. Speaking of mustache’s, I’m pretty sure Billy Tapp has already gone for it on fourth down.
AVZ: I’m putting the bounty out right now, free Sons of Caine t-shirt (existence pending…) to anybody who can bring me quality pictures of Billy Tapp’s mustache. That thing is amazing…it almost made me forget that he’s the fifth year senior who has been playing tight end because he couldn’t break into the lofty heights of the Schaffer, Adams, Lane, Bigfoot rotation. Almost…
AVZ: For a second, I thought the Wake OC’s name was Lebowski. Turns out, it’s Lobatski. Disappointment abounds.
JLP: Stop turning the ball over. If we turn the ball over again, I will use Riley Skinner’s tanning oil to poison myself.
AVZ: The announcers are talking about Moon Pies…premature nostalgia for the Daves grows by the moment.
JLP: Dexter McCluster should throw the football about as often as Madonna should cover American Pie.
JLP: Jevan Snead I’ll find a sister for you to bang if you just score a touchdown right here. Hold Me Closer Jevan Dancer. See Cordera in the end zone.
AVZ: There’s more physical contact in a Nashville lap dance than there was on that pass interference call.
JLP: I’d bet Ed Orgeron will win the SEC before Swank will miss this field goal. We’d be better off being Triple-Six Mafia at the Oscars. – Oh Wait.
JLP: I’m trying to now choke myself on a Mango Habanero boneless buffalo win.
JLP:After we scored the touchdown with one minute left, and then they came back – That was like if DBT came out for the third encore and started singing some damn Good Charlotte.
God hates Ole Miss. That is all.
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