(Throughout the season, we here are the Sons of Caine will be profiling the unheralded heroes of SEC football– team physicians. SEC athletes are like jet engines strapped to the Family Truckster, and it’s up to these innovative minds to go above and beyond the limits of traditional modern medicine to maintain the functionality of fragile mortal mechanisms straining to operate at immortal levels.)
Team: Auburn Tigers
Doctor: Tony Franklin
Born: The seventh circle of high school defensive coordinator hell
Hometown: Depends where he just stole from
Height: 53.3 yards
Length: 120 yards
Weight: 6 points of pain…one touchdown at a time
Educational background: A white erase board, a rules of football book sitting next to it, and an infinite amount of free time.
Proudest Professional Moment: Watching my offense succeed at the
Worst Professional Moment: Next question…but since you asked. This and This
Medical Philosophy: There is nothing a good pass can’t cure.
Previous employer: Auburn Football program.
Contributions to Team’s Success: Some believe Franklin was fired. No so. He was simply moved to the medical staff. It was discovered that no player wishes to get injured inside the Tony Franklin system. With his wide open offense that produces gaudy stats for quarterbacks and wide receiver, the wide open running lanes for running backs, and the lack of hard nosed football that needs to be played by the offensive lineman the Tony Franklin system keeps players healthy and are willing to play hurt to due to the success players will incur. Come to the sidelines to see how Tony Franklin handles injuries. Hurt Foot? Run a fly pattern. Turf Toe? Option right. Broken leg? Throw the ball to the corner of the end zone. NO ONE FEELS PAIN IN THE SYSTEM!!!
Future Goals: To run the A-ll offense in college. No lineman! Everyone is eligible at the line, two quarterbacks and an ass load of point. Hike the ball. Throw it back to the 2nd quarterback and throw it deep. YOU CAN NOT STOP HIM.
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